- First think of an unsatisfactory situation. This pattern works best if it involves another person that you are having trouble with.
- What are you trying to achieve here? Write down your outcome - at least one, maybe more.
- How do you judge whether you are getting what you want? What signs do you pay attention to? What feedback are you paying attention to?
- What actions are you taking to get what you want?
- How do you view the other person in the situation?
- Secondly, think of a similar situation where you did get what you wanted and the situation went well. It may be with the same person, but it could be a completely different situation with a different person.
- Write down your answers to the same questions about this situation.
- Now compare the two sets of answers.
- How could you use the resources from the successful situation in the difficult situation?
- What extra goals could you set in the difficult situation that would make a difference?
- What new feedback could you pay attention to?
- How many different ways can you think of to get what you want in that situation?
- How can you think about the other person in a positive way?
- Now future pace. Imagine the next time you'll be faced with the same person in a difficult situation. Imagine that you have the resources that you have just discovered. Imagine acting differently and notice how the situation might turn out in a better way. Mentally rehearse the situation and notice how it will be different.
- Finally, consider you response in the first situation. Is there a place in your life where this would be useful?
