A Strategy for Responding to Criticism

This technique allows you to stay resourceful when you're criticized, whether it's at home, at work, or with friends. This enables you to use criticism as feedback to improve your relationships.

1. See yourself, in front of you. That self in front of you is going to learn a new approach to criticism, while you watch from the outside. Do whatever you need to do to feel detached from that self. You can see that self farther away, in black and white, or behind plexiglass, etc.

2. Watch and listen as that self gets criticized and instantly dissociates. There are several ways that self can surround him/herself with a plexiglass shield when he/she was criticized. Or, that self can see the words of criticism printed within a cartoon balloon (like the comic strips), etc. That self uses one of these methods to keep feeling neutral or resourceful.

3. Watch as that self makes a slide or movie of what the criticizer is saying. What does that person mean? Does that self have enough information to make a clear, detailed picture? If the answer is "no," gather information. If the answer is "yes," proceed to the next step.

4. Have that self decide on a response. For example, that self can agree with any part of the criticism that you agree with. Or, that self could apologize, saying "I'll give it some serious thought," or, "I see things differently now," and so forth.

5. Does that self want to use the information you got from this criticism to act differently next time? If so, have that self select a new behavior. That self will then imagine using the new behavior in detail in the future. Next, that self can step into this movie of using the new behavior, to feel what it will be like.

6. Having watched that self go through this entire strategy, do you want this for yourself? If the answer is "no," ask inside how you can modify this strategy so it fits for you. If the answer is "yes," continue.

7. Thank that self for being a special resource to you in learning this strategy. Now pull that self into you, feeling her/him fill you, so that this knowledge becomes fully integrated into you.